Here’s How the Republican Primary Could Go Right for America

“To the world we dream about. And the one we live in now.”

(Photo by Jeff J Mitchell/Getty Images)

Today I bring you two gifts: Fantasy politics and the craziest wrestling story you’ve ever heard. Enjoy.

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1. Hadestown

Toward the beginning of Hadestown, the cast gives a toast: “To the world we dream about. And the one we live in now.”

The conceit of the show is that the story being told—of Orpheus and Eurydice—is an old song and a tragedy. But that we keep telling it as an act of defiance and hope. Because maybe it’ll turn out this time.

Well, let me paint a picture for you of how the tragedy of the 2024 Republican primary could work out for America.