A drinker’s guide to watching the GOP debate tonight:
1) Every time DeSantis says “woke,” take a drink. See you under the table in 10 minutes.
2) Whenever Christie indicates that Trump is an immature manchild, drink twice – once for his accuracy and once for the Schadenfreude that you are feeling at seeing the big orange baby get his feelings hurt.
3) As soon as Pence takes his turn, sober up. No drinking allowed.
4) When Haley speaks, take a drink and keep in mind that the confusion you feel about her position flip-flops is because it’s what she does, not because you have been drinking.
5) If Hutchinson gets to speak, take one drink in honor of his status as a traditional conservative candidate rather than a Trumpist, but water it down if you feel that traditional conservatism isn’t the answer to our problems anyway.
6) When all other participants speak, take a drink in honor of them because, God love ‘em, they’re trying so hard, but it isn’t their time yet or the nation hasn’t moved past their collective nickname of “Who?”.
Congratulations if you still are conscious by the end of the debate, and consider yourself fortunate if you do not remember any of it.
I think the debate would be much more interesting if the A/C "wasn't working", and they were all up there roasting as they answered (or whiffed on) the Climate Change question.
While my dear mother was still alive, just a very few years ago, I would make diner and sit with her some evenings. I would sit through O'Reilly and Hannity if she had them on, for her sake. But when Pirro came on, I had to draw the line. It was, "if you have to watch that freak, I am going home." She at least always then turned Fox/her off.
My lone contribution to this game would be to have an opening ceremony of sorts with a shot of Vodka. Of course, the shot would only occur after holding up the glass in the direction of Moscow to honor TFG's absence from the debate.
I’m just wondering whether anyone is sponsoring a support” group for this debate? I think we’re all going to need one; losing a billion brain cells as these magnificent eight, twist themselves in pretzels trying to defend the indefensible.
Haley will speak about her humble, immigrant roots, before delving into a long diatribe about how immigrants are destroying the very fabric of America. I know, the irony, right? Well this is the MAGAverse. These people have no concept of the word irony or hypocrisy, for that matter. ---take two drinks; okay three!
And I can’t wait to hear DeSatan go on and on about how he obliterated “wokeness” in Florida, even though he has no idea what it means. You won’t hear about the Disney Lawsuit, or how he put four federalist society judges on Florida’s Supreme Court. Or how he took millions from insurance companies; and now individuals can’t even sue for homeowners, or even car insurance without racking up hundreds of thousands in legal bills. Or how he signed a six week abortion law. Or about his draconian immigration and education bills. He’s the reason Florida is heading into the dystopian abyss.
You’ll need an entire bottle for DeSatan; my poison of choice is Johnny Walker-Blue! What’s yours?
And don’t expect Fox to ask any questions about these sensitive subjects; it’s Fox after all! Their new creedo is, “we don’t report the news, we make it up on the fly.” And Remember, there are no stupid questions; just stupid people asking questions. And we’re tuning into the right place: Four shots of Tequila, please?
Christie will obliterate the rest of the republican field. He’s not running for president, but he does represent all the spineless, cowards, too afraid to honestly tell us how they really feel about Trump and his hostile tack over of the Republican Party. For this, I’ll break out the weed. Hey, it’s medical marijuana! I live in Florida; under authoritarian rule, can you honestly blame me?
When Fox brings up words like socialism which are foreign to these people, only a shot of tequila will do. Not to be confused with communism, yet that’s exactly what they continually do. Two shots, please?
Ask them the difference, and it becomes a ten minute soliloquy of the radical left agenda, democrats have deployed to destroy the Christian/American way of life. How democrats are destroying America is anybody’s guess, but don’t bother asking the magnificent eight; clueless as usual. Ten shots and a boilermaker!
Okay, time for my heroin fix; the alcohol and weed have been wearing off. Sorry, they’re no longer potent enough.
So is anyone sponsoring a support group tonight? Just asking for a friend....:)
If you have a starter going, the King Arthur Flour sourdough pretzel recipe is quite good. I do modify it so that I boil in an alkaline solution like a proper pretzel.
Good summary. The predictability of it all is mind-numbing. Accordingly the mere idea of watching this or future debates between them is too reminiscent of the old joke: "Why do you hit yourself in the head with a hammer?" "Because it feels so good when I stop.".
It may be good to just make the vodka and tonic now and get started...then you will will not be awake for the debate. Which could be the best preparation of them all.
My suggestion for #4 is, in addition, show your contempt by hurling your stilettos at the screen. Since Nikki’s all about stomping on people with her heels.
A drinker’s guide to watching the GOP debate tonight:
1) Every time DeSantis says “woke,” take a drink. See you under the table in 10 minutes.
2) Whenever Christie indicates that Trump is an immature manchild, drink twice – once for his accuracy and once for the Schadenfreude that you are feeling at seeing the big orange baby get his feelings hurt.
3) As soon as Pence takes his turn, sober up. No drinking allowed.
4) When Haley speaks, take a drink and keep in mind that the confusion you feel about her position flip-flops is because it’s what she does, not because you have been drinking.
5) If Hutchinson gets to speak, take one drink in honor of his status as a traditional conservative candidate rather than a Trumpist, but water it down if you feel that traditional conservatism isn’t the answer to our problems anyway.
6) When all other participants speak, take a drink in honor of them because, God love ‘em, they’re trying so hard, but it isn’t their time yet or the nation hasn’t moved past their collective nickname of “Who?”.
Congratulations if you still are conscious by the end of the debate, and consider yourself fortunate if you do not remember any of it.
I don't drink. Maybe I should start.
I think the debate would be much more interesting if the A/C "wasn't working", and they were all up there roasting as they answered (or whiffed on) the Climate Change question.
Good Lord, I'm going to have to buy a second box of red wine and will probably find myself under the table with Judge Judy.
While my dear mother was still alive, just a very few years ago, I would make diner and sit with her some evenings. I would sit through O'Reilly and Hannity if she had them on, for her sake. But when Pirro came on, I had to draw the line. It was, "if you have to watch that freak, I am going home." She at least always then turned Fox/her off.
Beware ... Rudy Giuliani likes his red wine too and may be under the table as well. Best not to see what he may be doing there.
As long as he does it with Judge Judy I won't care.
Hah! Love it, Colleen.
I like this so much I’m going to share it with my Facebook friends. I will give you credit. This is great!
Do we get to drink every time Vivek mentions 9/11 or J6 or pardons?
Yep. Another reason/excuse to fill your glass and drink to forget.
To keep us sane and counter the lies we'll hear about the Biden administration, I am sharing this newsletter from The Hartmann Report. It outlines Biden's/Dem's accomplishments: https://hartmannreport.com/p/revealed-prebuttal-of-the-gops-debate-ea4?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email
Thanks for this link!
Wow...that was a truly great post!
My lone contribution to this game would be to have an opening ceremony of sorts with a shot of Vodka. Of course, the shot would only occur after holding up the glass in the direction of Moscow to honor TFG's absence from the debate.
Profoundly and tipsily accurate. Congrats.
I’m just wondering whether anyone is sponsoring a support” group for this debate? I think we’re all going to need one; losing a billion brain cells as these magnificent eight, twist themselves in pretzels trying to defend the indefensible.
Haley will speak about her humble, immigrant roots, before delving into a long diatribe about how immigrants are destroying the very fabric of America. I know, the irony, right? Well this is the MAGAverse. These people have no concept of the word irony or hypocrisy, for that matter. ---take two drinks; okay three!
And I can’t wait to hear DeSatan go on and on about how he obliterated “wokeness” in Florida, even though he has no idea what it means. You won’t hear about the Disney Lawsuit, or how he put four federalist society judges on Florida’s Supreme Court. Or how he took millions from insurance companies; and now individuals can’t even sue for homeowners, or even car insurance without racking up hundreds of thousands in legal bills. Or how he signed a six week abortion law. Or about his draconian immigration and education bills. He’s the reason Florida is heading into the dystopian abyss.
You’ll need an entire bottle for DeSatan; my poison of choice is Johnny Walker-Blue! What’s yours?
And don’t expect Fox to ask any questions about these sensitive subjects; it’s Fox after all! Their new creedo is, “we don’t report the news, we make it up on the fly.” And Remember, there are no stupid questions; just stupid people asking questions. And we’re tuning into the right place: Four shots of Tequila, please?
Christie will obliterate the rest of the republican field. He’s not running for president, but he does represent all the spineless, cowards, too afraid to honestly tell us how they really feel about Trump and his hostile tack over of the Republican Party. For this, I’ll break out the weed. Hey, it’s medical marijuana! I live in Florida; under authoritarian rule, can you honestly blame me?
When Fox brings up words like socialism which are foreign to these people, only a shot of tequila will do. Not to be confused with communism, yet that’s exactly what they continually do. Two shots, please?
Ask them the difference, and it becomes a ten minute soliloquy of the radical left agenda, democrats have deployed to destroy the Christian/American way of life. How democrats are destroying America is anybody’s guess, but don’t bother asking the magnificent eight; clueless as usual. Ten shots and a boilermaker!
Okay, time for my heroin fix; the alcohol and weed have been wearing off. Sorry, they’re no longer potent enough.
So is anyone sponsoring a support group tonight? Just asking for a friend....:)
If I followed this drinking plan I would be quickly hugging the toilet and worshipping the sewer God...oh my god, that's who Trump is!
Cloacina is used to it. :)
I can’t drink like this any more, but I might make myself a batch of pretzels in honor of the twisting they will all be doing
Twist and shout
You make your own pretzels? Do you have a recipe?
If you have a starter going, the King Arthur Flour sourdough pretzel recipe is quite good. I do modify it so that I boil in an alkaline solution like a proper pretzel.
Never mind--I looked on Allrecipes.com and found many recipes for homemade pretzels!
Good summary. The predictability of it all is mind-numbing. Accordingly the mere idea of watching this or future debates between them is too reminiscent of the old joke: "Why do you hit yourself in the head with a hammer?" "Because it feels so good when I stop.".
It may be good to just make the vodka and tonic now and get started...then you will will not be awake for the debate. Which could be the best preparation of them all.
You guys have convinced me to make a vodka tonic with an olive, then binge-stream "Superstore".
True, or the scorpion and frog parable. It’s their nature...:)
A masterpiece. I lol'd
My suggestion for #4 is, in addition, show your contempt by hurling your stilettos at the screen. Since Nikki’s all about stomping on people with her heels.
Do you have a pair I can borrow? My household is deficient in this type of shoe. :)
Methinks the lady doth protest too much.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
;)
I’m borrowing my daughter’s.
A noun, a verb and "woke".
"Don't believe the numbers or the data. The economy is in *shambles*!!!"
Dude, you are truly funny!
For better or worse, they give us plenty of material to work with.
My liver is crying 'UNCLE!" already
I’m already dehydrated.
"You know when your mouth be getting dry, you plenty high."
"...everybody funny. Now you funny too."