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The Crazies Who Want to Take Over Elections

Beware the conspiracy theorists and Trump loyalists.
April 7, 2022
Beware Of The Crazypants Candidates | Not My Party with Tim Miller

[Editor’s note: Watch Not My Party every week on Snapchat.]

MAGA woman: The election was stolen, and the military is gonna come in with martial law, Space Force, the Deep State, tribunals, taped confessions—the world is gonna be awakened to what’s really going on.

Hubert J. Farnsworth: I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.

Tim Miller: This is “Not My Party,” brought to you by The Bulwark. Y’all I have to be honest, doing a show about the imaginary 2020 election fraud in 2022 feels kinda ridiculous.

Mark McKinney: Because it is.

Miller: But we cannot look away since the stolen election cult persists. And because of them, the peril facing our democracy going forward might be greater than we want to believe.

Gollum/ Sméagol: Not listening, not listening.

Miller: It probably goes without saying, but everything I’m about to tell you—the threats of violence, the conspiracies, the inside-job voting machine hacks—are all the responsibility of one man, Donald Trump. If dude had the stones to admit that he lost like every other loser before him, none of this would be happening.

George H.W. Bush: The people have spoken, and we respect the majesty of the democratic system.

Colonel Hathi (elephant from Disney’s The Jungle Book): Those were the days.

Miller: But instead we get shit like this from a preacher at Trump’s rally last weekend, in Michigan.

Rick Warzywak: Father in heaven, we firmly believe that Donald J. Trump is the current and true president of the United States.

Miller: Sir, you need to find Jesus, that ain’t it. Which takes us to our first scary possibility: election-related violence. When people are told by preachers, and ex-presidents, and newscasters, that their country is being stolen by evil forces in their midst, some of them are gonna use force to fight back against it. When I was in Colorado I interviewed the Democrat in charge of my home state’s elections, Jena Griswold.

Jena Griswold: Because our county clerks were being threatened, some with their lives.

Miller: Do you sometimes wonder if you’re like hallucinating, or dreaming, like is this real life?

Griswold: Am I living in a simulation? It is real life, so we have to take it seriously.

Miller: Lest you think this is all coming from a few random kooks, there are Republican candidates in Colorado, and throughout the country, who are running to be in charge of their states’ elections on the explicit platform of overturning results if their preferred candidate doesn’t win. Listen for yourself.

Jim Marchant: As a coalition of America First secretary of state candidates to try to fix 2020, like President Trump said.

Jimmy McNulty (Dominic West in The Wire): ****ng game’s rigged.

Pam Poovey: That’s what he said.

Miller: The most extreme member of that coalition is Griswold’s opponent in Colorado, Tina Peters.

Tina Peters: I want you to know that I won’t quit.

Miller: Here we got into just how bonkers Tina is. In order to prove Trump’s crazy election fraud theory, a top election official in Western Colorado allegedly had her team take screenshots that purported to prove the voting machines could be hacked, and then leaked those screenshots to the guy who we think is behind QAnon.

Griswold: The only thing that is incorrect with that is the use of the word “allegedly.” Because she has admitted to all of it.

Liz Lemon: Of course she did.

Miller: And this week Tina was on the capitol steps in Colorado rallying with the meth-addict-turned-pillow-telemarketer who is now the nation’s most preeminent election-fraud conspiracist to rally for election truth.

Animated Fox Mulder (David Duchovny on The Simpsons): The truth is out there.

Man: But it’s not that.

Miller: Now here’s the second scary possibility: If a Republican wave happens this November, and I expect that it will, it will usher in a slew of election officials who might not be as Q-pilled as Tina Peters, but who won’t be shy in their efforts to try to rig the game for Trump next time.

Marchant: Basically, it’s just to get America First secretaries of state elected around the country.

Miller: When that guy says “America First secretaries,” what he means is “Trump loyalists who’d be willing to overturn the election secretaries.”

“Donald Trump” (Brendan Gleeson in The Comey Rule): I expect loyalty.

Miller: So when you hear people say—

Griswold: Democracy is on the ballot in 2022.

Miller: —that’s not BS. In 2022, for the first time in a long time, we are voting to ensure that our elections are fair and not trampled on by anti-democratic kooks, which is pretty damn important if Trump runs again in 2024, as I suspect he will. So if you wanna get involved in politics this year, look to the secretary of states races, and the campaigns for your local election officials, and support people in either party who don’t spread insane and dangerous lies about our elections. Those campaigns might not seem as sexy, but they could be the most important races for our future.

Cartoon Diddy (from South Park): I said vote, bitch.

Stan Marsh: Okay, I’ll vote!

Miller: See you next week for more “Not My Party.”

Tim Miller

Tim Miller is The Bulwark’s writer-at-large. He was previously political director for Republican Voters Against Trump, communications director for Jeb Bush 2016, and spokesman for the Republican National Committee.