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Not My Party: The Big Anti-Vax Con

September 2, 2021
Tim Miller on The Big Anti Vax Con

[Editor’s note: Watch Not My Party every week on Snapchat.]

Newscaster: Another anti-vax, conservative radio host died with COVID-19.

Tim Miller: This is “Not My Party,” brought to you by The Bulwark. All right, before we get down to business, one last time for the stragglers in the back: Get the jab, I’m begging you. This Delta shit is real, as you’re about to see.

The Sheriff of Rottingham: Well, to be perfectly frank, it’s bad.

Miller: Have you caught this recent trend? Rando anti-vaxxers and right-wing media dying from COVID. There’s this guy.

Jimmy DeYoung Sr.: Could this vaccine be another form of government control of the people?

Miller: He died of COVID last month. And this guy, Mr. Anti-Vax. He compared the government encouraging vaccines to Nazis in this tweet. It was the last one he sent. He died last week. And then, you have this guy, who organized a lot of anti-vax events.

Caleb Wallace: It’s deadly to certain people… this is perfectly fine to live with.

He also died last week, at only the age of 30. And there are even more, but you get the gist.

Commissioner Gordon from old-school Batman: A villainous pattern, indeed.

Miller: It makes one wonder, why are all those local media guys kicking the bucket, while the famous vaccine skeptics are healthy as a horse? Spoiler alert, it’s not because of the Ivermectin. Matt Damon has the real answer.

Matt Damon in Rounders: If you can’t spot the sucker, then you are the sucker.

Miller: All these politicians, Fox News hosts, conservative internet celebrities, and contrarian musicians are out there making bank, talking about protecting your freedoms. Look at this from Jacketless Jim Jordan: ten fundraising emails about scary vaccine mandates in just one week. But here’s the dirty little secret about this: They got the vaccine to protect themselves while they leave the regular MAGA Joes knock, knock, knocking on heaven’s door.

Jason Alexander in Shallow Hal: Not a Clapton fan.

Miller: Consider Texas Governor Greg Abbott. He signed an executive order banning private companies from requiring vaccines. But meanwhile, he went out and got himself a special early drop of the third booster shot. Freedom and triple arm jabs for me, freedom and forever dirt naps for thee.

This is all part of a long con by the phony populists. And it’s the regular folks they claim to care about who are the suffering suckers and the anti-vax deceased are just one of the groups that got played. Look at the “stop the steal” crowd. The January 6th insurrection was stoked by the president, limp-fisted nationalists, Richie Rich guys who had nothing to lose.

Statler from The Muppets: You said it!

Miller: Well, these D.C. politicians suffered no legal consequences.

Bob Odenkirk as Saul Goodman: And used me.

Miller: And their political power continues to grow. It’s the regular MAGA Joes who were killed, trampled, and now arrested for going along with them.

Advertisement: You are the sucker, sucker, sucker.

Miller: Last season I did an episode on the Trump supporters who got screwed over by the campaigns predatory digital fundraising scheme. Sneaky recurring charges lined the Trump consultants’ pockets and left some working-class supporters with a bill they couldn’t afford.

Advertisement: “I was sure it was some sort of scam. “You are the sucker.”

Miller: Time and again MAGA elites get power and money by riling up the masses who buy their bull*** hook, line, and sinker.

It’s an undeniable trend and it’s not the shadowy deep state who’s behind it. It’s the rich red-hatted hustlers who are quite literally bluffing them to death and it’s not like they didn’t warn ’em.

Donald Trump: “You knew damn well I was a snake before you took me in!”

Miller: I’ll see you next week for more Not My Party.

Tim Miller

Tim Miller is The Bulwark’s writer-at-large. He was previously political director for Republican Voters Against Trump, communications director for Jeb Bush 2016, and spokesman for the Republican National Committee.