There is a knock on my door and two MAGA agents (that is MAGA members of Congress) are standing there and ask to speak to me.
I say, "Certainly, officers, please come in."
The first MAGA agent says, "You are under investigation for a crime you may have committed."
I ask him, "Crime? What crime am I being accused of?"
The second MAGA-man responds, "We don't know yet. That's why you are under investigation."
So, I ask again, "But if you don't know what the crime is, how do you know I committed it?"
The first M-man responds, "You don't seem to understand. We intend to find out exactly what that crime is by investigating you."
I ask the second MAGA agent again, who seems to be the more reasonable of the two, "If you need to find out what crime I have committed by investigating me, surely you must have some evidence that there has even been a crime committed. What evidence do you have?"
The first MAGA agent responds coldly, "We have mountains of evidence. We have records of telephone conversations of you with your son."
Now, I know my fifty-year-old son has not made the best choices in his life, and in fact has probably made some of the worst choices possible given the advantages he has had in life, but I am not sure how his bad business conduct has anything to do with an investigation into me.
So, I respond, "Yes, I often speak to my son by phone, as I often speak to all my children and grandchildren, mostly to ask them how they are doing and to tell them I love them."
This fails to impress even the more reasonable second MAGA agent who responds, "That is all we needed to hear. You confess to making phone calls to your son. Please put your hands behind your back and listen as I Mirandize you."
There is a knock on my door and two MAGA agents (that is MAGA members of Congress) are standing there and ask to speak to me.
I say, "Certainly, officers, please come in."
The first MAGA agent says, "You are under investigation for a crime you may have committed."
I ask him, "Crime? What crime am I being accused of?"
The second MAGA-man responds, "We don't know yet. That's why you are under investigation."
So, I ask again, "But if you don't know what the crime is, how do you know I committed it?"
The first M-man responds, "You don't seem to understand. We intend to find out exactly what that crime is by investigating you."
I ask the second MAGA agent again, who seems to be the more reasonable of the two, "If you need to find out what crime I have committed by investigating me, surely you must have some evidence that there has even been a crime committed. What evidence do you have?"
The first MAGA agent responds coldly, "We have mountains of evidence. We have records of telephone conversations of you with your son."
Now, I know my fifty-year-old son has not made the best choices in his life, and in fact has probably made some of the worst choices possible given the advantages he has had in life, but I am not sure how his bad business conduct has anything to do with an investigation into me.
So, I respond, "Yes, I often speak to my son by phone, as I often speak to all my children and grandchildren, mostly to ask them how they are doing and to tell them I love them."
This fails to impress even the more reasonable second MAGA agent who responds, "That is all we needed to hear. You confess to making phone calls to your son. Please put your hands behind your back and listen as I Mirandize you."
Except they don't Mirandize people anymore...
I've been watching too many police procedural shows from the 90s.