There’s a meteor hurtling towards the Earth this very second. Some
people aren’t looking up and can’t see it. Others see it and don’t think it’s a big deal. But don’t be fooled! Keep looking up! Train your eyes to focus on the goddamn meteor every second of every goddamn day. Don’t you dare look…
There’s a meteor hurtling towards the Earth this very second. Some
people aren’t looking up and can’t see it. Others see it and don’t think it’s a big deal. But don’t be fooled! Keep looking up! Train your eyes to focus on the goddamn meteor every second of every goddamn day. Don’t you dare look around at what’s going on around you or you might lose sight of where it’s headed next or if it seems to be slowing down or changing course. Or evenworse, you might not catch if it said “good as” or “goodness” during its interview with George Stephanopolous and any astronomer worth his salt can tell you that assessing stuff like that is key to figuring out how much damage it can do!
I should warn you that there will be naysayers who will try to minimize the threat. They’ll say they’ve seen the meteorite and it’s about the size of a basketball and they aren’t really concerned about it. But don’t let them discourage you from sounding the alarm! Just keep bringing people’s attention back to the meteorite and keep yelling about how we’re all doomed! Human nature will eventually kick in and all the people who didn’t initially see the meteorite or think it was that big a deal will eventually hear all the people around them pointing to the sky and shouting and assume they were wrong. Of course thousands of meteors fall to the earth every year and everyone is perfectly fine [1] but if you live in Florida or other places in the South, the astronomy books are banned so there’s no way to access that information. You should be OK.
Once you’ve successfully freaked out most of the country about the threat of the basketball sized meteor, you and your neighbors should all go grab your pitchforks and head to NASA (or Elon Musk’s house) and demand that they stop whatever actual important space thing they’re working on and focus all their their time and energy to concoct some last minute laser to blast it out of the sky.
Of course since all the rocket scientists are now hyper-focused on stopping the stupid basketball sized meteor, no one is paying attention to the aliens from Magatron who want to take over the country and eventually, the entire planet! France, Britain and Iran were able to hold off the aliens for now [2] but *they* didn’t have a meteorite problem on their hands!
So let’s keep our eyes on the skies!
Does it really matter that while everyone’s head is facing upwards 24/7 working to annihilate the meteor, the aliens from Magatron, armed with with an AK-470 in each of their four arms (Magatronians place a high premium on gun ownership ;) have no problem sneaking past the guardrails around the Whitehouse and the Capitol Building and the Supreme Court?
Does it matter that the Magatronions start giggling as they enter these once hallowed buildings, chanting the name of their orange leader and bow before him as he sits on the throne that the Supreme Justices of the MOCKTUS have spent months building for him? Does it matter that there were no journalists around to report on it because they were all too busy debating about to do about the goddamn meteor?
Nope! What matters is that we’re honest about the meteor! We can’t let our country turn in to some sort of Orwellian dystopian hellscape where people just pretend there’s no meteor just because the government says so. We all *saw* the meteor damn it!!! Don’t try and tell us we didn’t!
And so, just as we’re patting our mutual backs about our unceasing devotion to the truth, ***BOOM*** a loud explosion shatters the stratosphere. The heroes at NASA have finally managed to blast the meteor in to smithereens somewhere above Chicago!!! Everyone cheers! Everyone, that is except the Magatronions. They’re too busy firing all the experts from the government and rounding up humans and sending them to concentration camps.
They come for the people on your block last. As you lay sweating in your small bunk in the camp, a sliver of doubt briefly flits through your mind…Should you maybe have spent more time and energy trying to defeat the aliens instead of getting rid of the scary looking meteor? Nah…you swat the doubt away like an annoying fly. It would have been impossible to fight aliens while everyone was consumed with fear about the meteor. And what if the meteor did end up to be significantly less harmful than the orange alien god king? The scientists all agreed that the meteor would definitely have left behind an unsightly crater - even if it was kind of small. And everyone knows craters suck!
***Don’t Look Around*** or Why Craters Suck!
There’s a meteor hurtling towards the Earth this very second. Some
people aren’t looking up and can’t see it. Others see it and don’t think it’s a big deal. But don’t be fooled! Keep looking up! Train your eyes to focus on the goddamn meteor every second of every goddamn day. Don’t you dare look around at what’s going on around you or you might lose sight of where it’s headed next or if it seems to be slowing down or changing course. Or evenworse, you might not catch if it said “good as” or “goodness” during its interview with George Stephanopolous and any astronomer worth his salt can tell you that assessing stuff like that is key to figuring out how much damage it can do!
I should warn you that there will be naysayers who will try to minimize the threat. They’ll say they’ve seen the meteorite and it’s about the size of a basketball and they aren’t really concerned about it. But don’t let them discourage you from sounding the alarm! Just keep bringing people’s attention back to the meteorite and keep yelling about how we’re all doomed! Human nature will eventually kick in and all the people who didn’t initially see the meteorite or think it was that big a deal will eventually hear all the people around them pointing to the sky and shouting and assume they were wrong. Of course thousands of meteors fall to the earth every year and everyone is perfectly fine [1] but if you live in Florida or other places in the South, the astronomy books are banned so there’s no way to access that information. You should be OK.
Once you’ve successfully freaked out most of the country about the threat of the basketball sized meteor, you and your neighbors should all go grab your pitchforks and head to NASA (or Elon Musk’s house) and demand that they stop whatever actual important space thing they’re working on and focus all their their time and energy to concoct some last minute laser to blast it out of the sky.
Of course since all the rocket scientists are now hyper-focused on stopping the stupid basketball sized meteor, no one is paying attention to the aliens from Magatron who want to take over the country and eventually, the entire planet! France, Britain and Iran were able to hold off the aliens for now [2] but *they* didn’t have a meteorite problem on their hands!
So let’s keep our eyes on the skies!
Does it really matter that while everyone’s head is facing upwards 24/7 working to annihilate the meteor, the aliens from Magatron, armed with with an AK-470 in each of their four arms (Magatronians place a high premium on gun ownership ;) have no problem sneaking past the guardrails around the Whitehouse and the Capitol Building and the Supreme Court?
Does it matter that the Magatronions start giggling as they enter these once hallowed buildings, chanting the name of their orange leader and bow before him as he sits on the throne that the Supreme Justices of the MOCKTUS have spent months building for him? Does it matter that there were no journalists around to report on it because they were all too busy debating about to do about the goddamn meteor?
Nope! What matters is that we’re honest about the meteor! We can’t let our country turn in to some sort of Orwellian dystopian hellscape where people just pretend there’s no meteor just because the government says so. We all *saw* the meteor damn it!!! Don’t try and tell us we didn’t!
And so, just as we’re patting our mutual backs about our unceasing devotion to the truth, ***BOOM*** a loud explosion shatters the stratosphere. The heroes at NASA have finally managed to blast the meteor in to smithereens somewhere above Chicago!!! Everyone cheers! Everyone, that is except the Magatronions. They’re too busy firing all the experts from the government and rounding up humans and sending them to concentration camps.
They come for the people on your block last. As you lay sweating in your small bunk in the camp, a sliver of doubt briefly flits through your mind…Should you maybe have spent more time and energy trying to defeat the aliens instead of getting rid of the scary looking meteor? Nah…you swat the doubt away like an annoying fly. It would have been impossible to fight aliens while everyone was consumed with fear about the meteor. And what if the meteor did end up to be significantly less harmful than the orange alien god king? The scientists all agreed that the meteor would definitely have left behind an unsightly crater - even if it was kind of small. And everyone knows craters suck!
[1] https://www.iberdrola.com/innovation/meteorites-earth#:~:text=Most%20meteorites%20reach%20the%20Earth's,fall%20to%20Earth%20every%20year.
[2] https://apnews.com/article/uk-france-iran-elections-left-far-right-8b219c4475484d366c8c64601fc55fc4