Congratulations for such a great discussion. Now that my kids have reached mid 20s, I feel for all the parents of young kids and the push to start earlier and earlier in the sport complex rat race. Our family situation (with our immediate families being several states and continents away) in so many ways was a curse for the dedication ne…
Congratulations for such a great discussion. Now that my kids have reached mid 20s, I feel for all the parents of young kids and the push to start earlier and earlier in the sport complex rat race. Our family situation (with our immediate families being several states and continents away) in so many ways was a curse for the dedication needed to join the race, and a blessing at the end of the day. Instead of specializing early, our kids did a sampler of activities (sports, music, choir, theater, pottery, arts, writing) and stayed at the recreational or less competitive traveling team possible, so we could take 2-week family vacations without being guilt-tripped by coaches / instructors. I have the best picture of one of my daughters at age nine, dress in her recreation level team soccer uniform while playing the viola, that was her, the Renaissance girl, interested in everything. When it got to the higher level and every organization required priority, we asked our kids to prioritize themselves. As a result, our 10th grade daughter dropped swimming (and it's daily practice until 11 pm), left the IB program and switched to the less insane mix of Honors and AP classes (with a request on our part to not take more than 2 AP classes at a time). Because of that, she was able to focus her attention on musical theater, acting, and skiing as a family, the activities that brought her the most joy. Our other daughter dropped sports at age 15th so she could spend a semester living with my sister's family abroad and going to a school housed in a 17th century monastery that literary looks like the Harry Potter school (secret passageways included). For the huge Harry Potter fan she was, that was better than any sport competition she could win (or more likely, lose). When she came back, she focused on her music and art at the level that she found more rewarding, playing and creating for herself. At some points in their young lives, we got a bit of pushback from them, because they saw everyone else doing what we told them not to do, but we asked them to trust us. Later, as adults they have told us thst they now see the virtues of our approach. They both were admitted to good colleges with some level of scholarships and are starting their independent lives with decent paying jobs in fields they like. Do they have perfect lives? Of course not. Do they struggle sometimes? Of course they do. Do we sometimes double-guess our choices as a family? Sure: in my case, if I had to do it again, I would dedicate even less time to the competitive sports scene, and more to do things as a family that brought us joy. I think whatever they could have learned from the supercompetitive sport circuit, they got it from the alternative non-competitive youth activities circuit. As a disclaimer, I rate myself as the least dedicated sport/activity parent on Earth. After getting stuck on the highway for 4 hours during the beginning of a snow storm on the way to pick up one of our daughters across town, I banned any activity or sport with practices farther than a 15 minute drive from home during normal weather. I was the parent secretly wishing that my youngest softball team would lose so we could finally go home. At the end of the day, what we still love doing as a family is going to musicals, traveling, hiking, skiing and cooking together, the rituals that we started by having more time to do together instead of driving around or waiting for high-stake sport/theater/arts/music/dance competitions. Finally, I felt some sort of validation to our approach when Sepp Kuss won the Vuelta a España this past September. If you want to read about a family that approached the "what brings you joy" to youth sports and whose son got to the maximum level you can easily find it by searching his name and Durango, Colorado.
Congratulations for such a great discussion. Now that my kids have reached mid 20s, I feel for all the parents of young kids and the push to start earlier and earlier in the sport complex rat race. Our family situation (with our immediate families being several states and continents away) in so many ways was a curse for the dedication needed to join the race, and a blessing at the end of the day. Instead of specializing early, our kids did a sampler of activities (sports, music, choir, theater, pottery, arts, writing) and stayed at the recreational or less competitive traveling team possible, so we could take 2-week family vacations without being guilt-tripped by coaches / instructors. I have the best picture of one of my daughters at age nine, dress in her recreation level team soccer uniform while playing the viola, that was her, the Renaissance girl, interested in everything. When it got to the higher level and every organization required priority, we asked our kids to prioritize themselves. As a result, our 10th grade daughter dropped swimming (and it's daily practice until 11 pm), left the IB program and switched to the less insane mix of Honors and AP classes (with a request on our part to not take more than 2 AP classes at a time). Because of that, she was able to focus her attention on musical theater, acting, and skiing as a family, the activities that brought her the most joy. Our other daughter dropped sports at age 15th so she could spend a semester living with my sister's family abroad and going to a school housed in a 17th century monastery that literary looks like the Harry Potter school (secret passageways included). For the huge Harry Potter fan she was, that was better than any sport competition she could win (or more likely, lose). When she came back, she focused on her music and art at the level that she found more rewarding, playing and creating for herself. At some points in their young lives, we got a bit of pushback from them, because they saw everyone else doing what we told them not to do, but we asked them to trust us. Later, as adults they have told us thst they now see the virtues of our approach. They both were admitted to good colleges with some level of scholarships and are starting their independent lives with decent paying jobs in fields they like. Do they have perfect lives? Of course not. Do they struggle sometimes? Of course they do. Do we sometimes double-guess our choices as a family? Sure: in my case, if I had to do it again, I would dedicate even less time to the competitive sports scene, and more to do things as a family that brought us joy. I think whatever they could have learned from the supercompetitive sport circuit, they got it from the alternative non-competitive youth activities circuit. As a disclaimer, I rate myself as the least dedicated sport/activity parent on Earth. After getting stuck on the highway for 4 hours during the beginning of a snow storm on the way to pick up one of our daughters across town, I banned any activity or sport with practices farther than a 15 minute drive from home during normal weather. I was the parent secretly wishing that my youngest softball team would lose so we could finally go home. At the end of the day, what we still love doing as a family is going to musicals, traveling, hiking, skiing and cooking together, the rituals that we started by having more time to do together instead of driving around or waiting for high-stake sport/theater/arts/music/dance competitions. Finally, I felt some sort of validation to our approach when Sepp Kuss won the Vuelta a España this past September. If you want to read about a family that approached the "what brings you joy" to youth sports and whose son got to the maximum level you can easily find it by searching his name and Durango, Colorado.