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M. Trosino's avatar

Have been debating whether to weigh in here on the abortion issue. After reading all the comments posted to this point, have decided to go ahead. What follows is copied from the comment I posted on Slack Tide for the piece JVL links to today, which I was reluctant to do, but went ahead with for the stated reason. To my surprise, got more than a couple of positive responses, so thought it might be of some small use in the debate here. I acknowledge some will probably see it as a stile straddling a very tall fence topped with mounds of razor wire, and that's fine. I don't seek absolute agreement with this point of view or assert that it is the only correct one. I offer it as a different perspective and perhaps a small tool useful in some way for 're-examining our priors'.

Please note my reference to 'respect' in the opening, since I was quite sincere about that. Also, the 'style' in which I wrote this is not exactly the same as what it would be if I'd written this from scratch for this particular space rather than the comments section in Slack Tide. For a couple of reasons, I tend to write a bit differently in different places that I post comments, depending on the subject and the particular venue. But the idea remains the same...

Not a subject I usually discuss with anyone other than my wife. But...you threw down the gauntlet, and I'm in a rather testy mood about a lot of things tonight after a full day of SUCK at work. So, I'm gonna' pick it up and throw down myself. With due respect and affection for all, and animus toward none. Except, perhaps, for those whose concern for lives other than their own ends at their front doorstep and in the delivery room with babies born into desperate circumstances pulling themselves up by the straps of their own baby booties. If they're lucky enough to have any. Not too fond of the simply pro-birth crowd, whatever their political tribe, religious leanings or lack thereof.

Like so many people, I have mixed feelings about this issue. I acknowledge the argument of " If it's not life, what is it?" cannot be dismissed out of hand, or at this time really be answered by anything other than one's own conscience. Sorry, Science, I fear your distinctions between zygotes, feti and human beings are a bit inadequate to resolve this issue, and likely will be for...ever? Or at least until the scientists laboring up one side of the Mountain of Truth run headlong into the theologians and philosophers clambering up the other side as they all scramble over the final crest, only to find themselves standing face to face in the same place. Then, perhaps, we'll have an answer satisfying to all. But until then...

I have only this to add to the discussion, since all I have to say about what I believe has been said by others over and over all over the place ad infinitum. But I don't hear this position too often, and the more I think about it, the more merit I see in it. Will probably catch flak for it. Don't care. Testiness has been duly noted.

I think it might be a good idea if all the men - and I mean ALL THE MEN - who feel compelled to be the arbiters of right and wrong on this issue shut up and let the women who have the biggest stake in it and the more valid claim to the right to sort it out...sort it out.

Sorry, boys, but our share in the procreation process from 0 to 9 months doesn't amount to much, regardless of circumstance or intent, at least not enough that I don't see male dominated decision-making institutions as stacked decks on this one. I don't think there's anything more uniquely 'female' than gestation and birth. And while I know nothing of what this is like in any meaningful way beyond trying to be a supportive husband as each of my daughters were created and brought into this world by their mother, I'm pretty sure I'd resent the bloody hell out of any man not just telling me, but deciding for me what I should or shouldn't do in this regard if I were a woman, rich or poor or of whatever circumstance, contemplating an unintended pregnancy.

Of course, there is another answer. We could actually make an effort to be a life affirming society and country with values deeper than having the largest thin screen TV on the wall or the latest go-faster laptop in our laps. Or the smartest phone or latest whatever-it-is. We could put some serious money and serious effort into creating a society in which life - all life - is a slightly higher priority than anyone's bottom line, one in which fewer and fewer women would see abortion as their only or best alternative. It would cost us all something. Nothing such as this is free. But if we were to pick up that gauntlet and run with it, the benefit to all would be incalculable, one such benefit being that perhaps abortion would become so rare that when one day someone asks Do we really have to talk about abortion?, the answer will be no. No, we don't.

But don't dash off any emails or messages to politicians demanding that they pursue this agenda. Because the only way this ever happens is if we demand it of ourselves first.

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Dave Conant - MO's avatar

Really well done, give yourself the credit you deserve for describing a position that most of us would agree with if we thought seriously about it.

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M. Trosino's avatar

Well, thank you, Dave. So kind of you to say that. That's what I really wish would happen here, not so much that anyone would necessarily agree or disagree with me, but that they would at least just take a little time and think seriously about it.

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Dave Conant - MO's avatar

If that happened, we might see a little real progress toward a resolution.

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M. Trosino's avatar

Yeah. Like so much in our hyper-polarized politics, everyone - or nearly everyone - seems to be totally dug in and unwilling to seek a workable solution that considers the views of all concerned. Way too much heat and not nearly enough light.

I may be wrong about this, but if it really were left up to the biggest stakeholders (women), I think there would be a better chance for some agreement. As noted in my comment, as a man I have no empirical knowledge to draw on as to what it must be like to be a woman facing a decision like this and all its ramifications. At least women could have a somewhat common baseline perception as a basis from which to start. Not saying it would be easy or even successful, but we sure as hell aren't getting anywhere on the path we're on and have been following for so long now. And I really can't think of a more fair and just way to deal with this issue. So, I guess part of my position is simply 'Why the hell not?'

Of course, this would require men to give up their long-held political power associated with all things 'abortion', and how you convince a bunch of macho hardheads to do that, I have no real idea. Unless, of course, enough women got totally fed up and put their collective foot down and told them enough of this is enough. Butt the F out.

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Dave Conant - MO's avatar

Sounds like a workable solution to me.

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