In 2015, my mother in law was really excited about Trump. I hit her with what I was SURE would cause her to recoil: Trump’s insistence that we should kill the families of terrorists, including innocent women and children. “Yes,” she replied about blinking an eye, “it’s them or us.”
Anne’s smart, and she’s a committed Christian. Teaches Su…
In 2015, my mother in law was really excited about Trump. I hit her with what I was SURE would cause her to recoil: Trump’s insistence that we should kill the families of terrorists, including innocent women and children. “Yes,” she replied about blinking an eye, “it’s them or us.”
Anne’s smart, and she’s a committed Christian. Teaches Sunday school. Voted for Obama. Not a wacko. But her half-blind, half-deaf diabetic husband listened to Fox News and Cops 12 hours a day on full volume. And she’s been quietly MAGA for a decade now. Just retreats in any situation where she might have to explain herself or defend him, but she “doesn’t know what to believe anymore,” so she just defaults to whatever the people who look like her and appear to share her values say. Which, for reasons I can’t understand, somehow doesn’t include the two people she loves most in the world, her sister and daughter. I think Hannah Arendt had something to say about that sort of thing, the ideal subject of totalitarian rule.
She’s just as wacko, but you’d never know it from her appearance or demeanor.
Thanks for describing my mother, uncle and many more family members. :(
I completely empathize with you. It's really sad losing our loved ones to very basic fear instincts being stoked by people who are actively ginning up the things they claim to "be against".
My mother is college educated, first woman in her family to have an advanced degree. She always was kind to my friends. I grew up in Missouri. When I was in high school, a friend of mine came out as gay. His conservative and religious parents disowned him. My mom put him up in our house, and mediated with his parents. My mom used to be upset about "old dudes whose dicks don't work" telling women about their bodily autonomy.
Now - she's talking about how all abortions are awful, how women abuse it to avoid responsibility, how we're being invaded, the world is on fire...and Trump is the guy to stop it.
No amount of appealing to her logic or knowledge will help. I've tried emotional appeals, she just gets defensive. She is retired, is a type 1 diabetic (well managed her whole life but it's getting worse), she isn't rich, her friends are dying, and after my grandfather died her siblings went full "Knives Out" and were total vultures over his inheritance - she got screwed over in the process.
The world is a scary place and she is deeply resentful. She did what she was told to do and never fully achieved what was promised. In these situations people either A) work to fix the underlying issue or B) look to tear everyone else down to feel better.
My mother chose B.
My approach, as sad as it is, is just to call out her inability to self reflect, how the values she instilled in me are opposed to Trump / MAGA and calling lies blatant lies.
I've felt for a long time that shows like cops and Jerry Springer - that show the worst side of people - is also part of the indoctrination process. I've seen perfectly decent people- Christians all - decide to "other" the people they see on TV based on those shows.
I appreciate the even-handed way you describe this sad situation. My main defense against the psychological hazards of living among generally decent Trump folk like Anne has been humor mostly. But stories like hers are tragic, not funny, and have many victims. When the damage done by enablers like Mike Lee is discussed or written about, it's almost always understated by multiples. There are no statistics that cover what has happened to Anne and millions like her, and the even greater number of people who love and grieve the Annes of the world.
I'm just curious why you say that your mother in law is smart? It doesn't sound as if she has any curiosity about what's going on out in the real world.
She’s been an avid reader all her life. No college education, but she engages a lot of complex issues on a college level. Deeply curious, or at least used to be. Loves to solve puzzles. She’d give you the shirt off her back.
That’s when I really grew worried about MAGA. Anne has smarts and character. But MAGA appeals to something deeply fearful inside her that I don’t think she can articulate. Which is a pretty common human thing when it comes to deep-seated fears. Not an IQ issue at all. It’s an EQ one
In 2015, my mother in law was really excited about Trump. I hit her with what I was SURE would cause her to recoil: Trump’s insistence that we should kill the families of terrorists, including innocent women and children. “Yes,” she replied about blinking an eye, “it’s them or us.”
Anne’s smart, and she’s a committed Christian. Teaches Sunday school. Voted for Obama. Not a wacko. But her half-blind, half-deaf diabetic husband listened to Fox News and Cops 12 hours a day on full volume. And she’s been quietly MAGA for a decade now. Just retreats in any situation where she might have to explain herself or defend him, but she “doesn’t know what to believe anymore,” so she just defaults to whatever the people who look like her and appear to share her values say. Which, for reasons I can’t understand, somehow doesn’t include the two people she loves most in the world, her sister and daughter. I think Hannah Arendt had something to say about that sort of thing, the ideal subject of totalitarian rule.
She’s just as wacko, but you’d never know it from her appearance or demeanor.
Thanks for describing my mother, uncle and many more family members. :(
I completely empathize with you. It's really sad losing our loved ones to very basic fear instincts being stoked by people who are actively ginning up the things they claim to "be against".
My mother is college educated, first woman in her family to have an advanced degree. She always was kind to my friends. I grew up in Missouri. When I was in high school, a friend of mine came out as gay. His conservative and religious parents disowned him. My mom put him up in our house, and mediated with his parents. My mom used to be upset about "old dudes whose dicks don't work" telling women about their bodily autonomy.
Now - she's talking about how all abortions are awful, how women abuse it to avoid responsibility, how we're being invaded, the world is on fire...and Trump is the guy to stop it.
No amount of appealing to her logic or knowledge will help. I've tried emotional appeals, she just gets defensive. She is retired, is a type 1 diabetic (well managed her whole life but it's getting worse), she isn't rich, her friends are dying, and after my grandfather died her siblings went full "Knives Out" and were total vultures over his inheritance - she got screwed over in the process.
The world is a scary place and she is deeply resentful. She did what she was told to do and never fully achieved what was promised. In these situations people either A) work to fix the underlying issue or B) look to tear everyone else down to feel better.
My mother chose B.
My approach, as sad as it is, is just to call out her inability to self reflect, how the values she instilled in me are opposed to Trump / MAGA and calling lies blatant lies.
So sorry.
I've felt for a long time that shows like cops and Jerry Springer - that show the worst side of people - is also part of the indoctrination process. I've seen perfectly decent people- Christians all - decide to "other" the people they see on TV based on those shows.
I appreciate the even-handed way you describe this sad situation. My main defense against the psychological hazards of living among generally decent Trump folk like Anne has been humor mostly. But stories like hers are tragic, not funny, and have many victims. When the damage done by enablers like Mike Lee is discussed or written about, it's almost always understated by multiples. There are no statistics that cover what has happened to Anne and millions like her, and the even greater number of people who love and grieve the Annes of the world.
My condolensces.
"it’s them or us.” Sounds just like a committed Christian - rather like the Crusades, circa 1200 AD.
I'm just curious why you say that your mother in law is smart? It doesn't sound as if she has any curiosity about what's going on out in the real world.
She’s been an avid reader all her life. No college education, but she engages a lot of complex issues on a college level. Deeply curious, or at least used to be. Loves to solve puzzles. She’d give you the shirt off her back.
That’s when I really grew worried about MAGA. Anne has smarts and character. But MAGA appeals to something deeply fearful inside her that I don’t think she can articulate. Which is a pretty common human thing when it comes to deep-seated fears. Not an IQ issue at all. It’s an EQ one