This Is the Most Exquisite Leopard Face-Eating You Will Ever See
A MAGA man moves to Russia. Hijinx ensue.
1. Bad JVL
I’m going to need to go to confession after all this stove-touching. But I want to give you a fair warning: Today starts out funny and full of schadenfreude, but then it goes to a super dark place. I have questions about the nature of evil and the human condition and I want to recruit you all into a conversation to help me sort through them. Buckle up.
Meet Derek Huffman. He’s a good man. Salt of the earth. All he wanted was to be left alone by the LGBTQs. He lived in Arizona until 2022, when the woke drove him to Texas.
But the radical leftists were everywhere, even in the Lone Star State. So Derek moved his wife and three children to Russia.
No, really. In Texas his daughter was at school one day and a classmate told her what a lesbian was. And that was the final straw. “The pivotal moment for us was when we learned that my daughter Sophia had heard about lesbians from a classmate,” he told RT. “Even though she didn’t fully grasp the concept, it was enough for us to realize that we needed a change.”
I know what you’re thinking.
It’s not like it was a teacher telling his kid about lesbians.
Kids hear all sorts of stuff on the playground. This fact has been a running joke in American culture for close to a century.
A basic part of parenthood is navigating the reality that you do not fully control the flow of information to your children.
If you don’t want your kid to know that lesbians exist in the world, perhaps there is an intermediate step before moving to an authoritarian police state? Maybe try homeschooling?
But no. Huffman went on a fact-finding trip to Moscow and liked what he saw:
“The city was cleaner, safer, and more organized than we had anticipated. Most importantly, we found a place where our values were honored, and we felt at home.”
Sometimes it is hard for me to understand people. For instance, I read that and I think, okay: Maybe no children in Moscow would dare say the word “lesbian” on the playground. But Russia does have other values.
It runs rape, torture, and murder rooms in civilian areas it captures.
It carried out a program of organized child abduction in which it kidnapped 20,000 Ukrainian kids.
The Russian government routinely has internal opponents—and even annoying internal allies—assassinated.
How stupid do you have to be to not understand that these “values” are more important that Target selling rainbow merch during Pride Month?
Then again, maybe Derek Huffman did understand the difference—and he prefers Russian values. Because after emigrating he volunteered to join the Russian military and aid their invasion of Ukraine:
“The point of this act for me is to earn a place here in Russia,” he said. “If I risk myself for our new country, no one will say that I am not a part of it. Unlike migrants in America who come there just like that, do not assimilate, and at the same time want free handouts.”1
In a video he sent to his wife, he said:
I believe in the Russian cause. . . . I won’t sit here and act like I’m the know-it-all on the whole situation, but I know enough to know that Russia is just in their cause and they’re doing the right thing.
I’m not sure how to read that as anything but an affirmative endorsement of the rape and torture of civilians and the kidnapping of children. This asshat wasn’t just happy to live under a regime that carried out war crimes; he volunteered to help do the war criming himself.2
2. The Idiocy of Evil
Well, sort of. Because you see Derek thought he was joining the Russian military to be a welder. Or maybe a war correspondent. But definitely not to do any, you know, actual fighting.
He did not sign up for any of that. Think of it as double-exxxtreme LARPing.3
Oopsie.