Three Criminals Walk Into a Bar

On Hunter Biden, pardons, and “norms.”

Bonus Secret Pod: Sarah and I sat down this morning to talk about Hunter Biden. It’ll be out in an hour or so. Keep your head on a swivel. It’s only for Bulwark+ members and our Bleak Friday sale has a few hours left.

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(Composite / Photos: GettyImages / Shutterstock)

1. A Bad Joke

Three criminals walk into a bar: Slobodan Milošević, King Hale, and John Dillinger. Perhaps you remember these men from history.

During the 1990s Milošević was, in succession, the democratically elected president of Serbia and then the democratically elected president of Yugoslavia. This was a particularly turbulent period in the Balkans—which is saying something. By the end of the decade, Milošević had been indicted by an International Criminal Tribunal for, among other things, genocide, torture, and assorted war crimes.¹

William “King” Hale was the villain of David Grann’s magisterial history The Killers of the Flower Moon. Hale was not a war criminal—he was merely a rancher in Oklahoma during the early twentieth century. Over time, he ordered a series of murders by which he systematically eliminated members of the Osage Nation so as to appropriate their ownership stakes in oil rights. Hale’s crimes were small-bore: He “only” arranged the killing of scores of people. But in the process he corrupted institutions: Hale used local government and police, existing law, and insurance products to carry out his theft.²

Then there’s John Dillinger. While King Hale was scheming against the members of the Osage Nation, Dillinger was robbing banks in the Midwest. Over a two-year period Dillinger and his gang knocked over two dozen banks. He was not a romantic figure. He was a thug, and in the course of his robberies he murdered a police officer.

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Anyway, here’s the joke: Milošević, Hale, and Dillinger walk into a bar and head in your direction. Which one do you hope sits down on the stool next to you?