The Trump War Glossary: What He *Really* Means About Iran
Keeping up with Mr. ‘I Have the Best Words’ as he twists the English language.
DONALD TRUMP’S WAR IN IRAN has shocked and confused people around the world, including foreign officials. One reason might be that many of these people learned English before Trump came to power. In Trump’s war, words no longer mean what they used to mean. Here’s a guide to some of the president’s language.
America First (adj): related in some way to America. When Trump used this phrase as a candidate in 2024, it meant addressing domestic concerns instead of spending money in “foreign lands.” Since then, he has launched military strikes in Iran, Iraq, Nigeria, Somalia, Syria, Venezuela, and Yemen. Last week, when some of his supporters complained that he had betrayed his promise, Trump redefined the term to include preemptive wars. “America First is really about keeping America healthy and well, and not having other countries, you know, hit us,” he explained.
Complete (adj): unfinished. “I think the war is very complete, pretty much,” Trump said on Monday. But since then, he has kept it going. On Wednesday, after two more days of bombing, he declared, “We’re not leaving until that job is finished.”
Detour (n): war. “This is a detour that we have to take in order to keep our country safe and keep other countries safe, frankly,” Trump said last week. On Sunday, he insisted, “I knew exactly what was going to happen with the detour.” The implicit message was that the war would quickly end and America would be back on course.
But on Wednesday, after claiming that Iranian forces were “pretty much at the end of the line,” Trump cautioned that this “doesn’t mean we’re going to end it immediately.” It seems that the detour is getting complicated.
End wars (v): suspend wars before restarting them. On February 24, the White House asserted that Trump had “ended eight long-standing conflicts, including those between Israel and Hamas, Israel and Iran.” But four days later, Trump joined Israel in resuming its war with Iran. Three days after that, he bragged that he was refusing to end the war: “They want to talk. I said ‘Too Late!’”
That didn’t stop him from boasting on Saturday, again, that he had “ended eight wars,” including the one with Iran. No matter how many times he resumes a war, he continues to count it as having “ended.”
Excursion (n): war. Previously, this term referred primarily to leisure travel. But in the last week, Trump has used it at least sixteen times to describe the war in Iran.
On Wednesday, after he used it three more times, a reporter asked him: “You just said it is a ‘little excursion,’ and you said it is a ‘war.’ So, which one is it?” Trump replied, “It’s both. It’s a, uh, an excursion that will keep us out of a war.”
Faraway (adj): closer or further than Iran. On Saturday, Trump called previous presidents “really stupid” because they had waged wars in “faraway places where they weren’t even wanted.” He seemed to be referring to the Iraq war, among others. But Iran is further from the United States than Iraq is. By deduction, this means Iran is exempt from the term faraway.
Glitch (n): bad news that the media should ignore. On Sunday, Trump said of rising gas prices, “I think it’s fine. It’s a little glitch.” At the time, the average gas price in the United States was $3.45 per gallon. By Thursday, it was $3.60 per gallon.
Gone (adj): still present. On Saturday, Trump said of Iran, “Every single element of their military is gone. Their leadership is gone. There’s not a thing that’s not gone.” On Monday, he repeated, “They have nothing left. There’s nothing left, in a military sense.”
Three days later, Iran was still striking oil tankers.
Imminent (adj): any time in the next three years or more. On February 28, Trump announced that he was launching the war to eliminate “imminent threats from the Iranian regime.” But two days later, Vice President JD Vance conceded that Trump’s bombing of Iran last summer had already “destroyed Iran’s ability to build a nuclear weapon during President Trump’s term.”
Therefore, imminent now extends beyond January 2029.
Obliterate (v): temporarily impede. On Wednesday, Trump boasted that in last year’s bombing raid, “We totally obliterated Iran’s nuclear potential. We obliterated it. They don’t have nuclear potential.” The audience applauded. But then he added, “We figured, ‘That’ll be the end of them for a while.’ But they started again. That’s why we got to finish it, right?”
Apparently, obliterated, like complete, means unfinished.
Palestinian (adj): supportive of human rights for Muslims. On Monday, at a meeting of House Republicans, Trump derided Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer. “What a horrible politician. He is now a Palestinian officially,” Trump jeered. As the audience laughed, Trump continued: “He is registered as a Palestinian. . . . He wants to protect the Iranian people that are quite nasty.”
In Trump’s vocabulary, Palestinian and Iranian are pejorative.
Performance (n): war. For fourteen years, Trump hosted a reality TV competition series. This might explain, in part, why he often depicts the Iran war as entertainment. On March 2, he described a Pentagon briefing as “central casting.” On March 5, referring to the war, he asked a reporter twice: “How do you like the performance?” On Wednesday, he said of the American military, “I didn’t know that we were going to have to be showing it off so much.”
Recognizable (adj): white. On March 3, Trump suggested that Keir Starmer, the prime minister of the United Kingdom, might have withheld support for the war to appease Muslims in his country. Trump denounced London’s Muslim mayor (Sadiq Khan), complained that Britain was no longer “a recognizable country,” and urged Starmer to “stop people from pouring into his country from faraway lands.” Trump has consistently used the term recognizable to warn European leaders against immigration from nonwhite countries.
Silent majority (n): a majority that is undetectable even in polls. On March 2, when Trump was asked about surveys showing that few Americans supported the war, he claimed that real polls would show much higher support. “I think people are very impressed with what is happening,” he argued. He insisted that this “silent majority” would show up “if you did a real poll.”
Team player (n): a person who does what Trump wants. Trump launched the war without consulting America’s European allies. Once it began, he condemned countries that in his view didn’t do enough to help. He fumed that Spain was “not a team player, and we’re not going to be a team player with Spain either.” He also rebuked the U.K., demanding that Starmer “should be giving us, without question or hesitation, things like bases” to wage the war. When Starmer eventually offered assistance, Trump dismissed him, writing, “We don’t need people that join Wars after we’ve already won!”
Unconditional surrender (n): a victory declared by Trump, with or without the enemy’s surrender. Since the war began, Trump has repeatedly demanded “unconditional surrender.” But when pressed to explain the term, he indicated that it might just mean defeat. “It’s where they cry uncle, or when they can’t fight any longer,” he told reporters on March 7.
And who determines that the enemy can’t fight any longer? Trump. “Wrapping up is all in my mind, nobody else’s,” he explained on Monday. In this way, Trump’s solipsistic definition of surrender mirrors his twisted interpretation of sexual consent.
United States (n): the American oil industry. On Thursday, Trump celebrated the spike in oil prices caused by the war. “The United States is the largest Oil Producer in the World, by far, so when oil prices go up, we make a lot of money,” he wrote. This statement would be false if “United States” meant the whole country, since most Americans lose money when oil prices go up. But when Trump says “we” and “United States,” he’s referring to oil companies.
Week (n): approximately 365 days. According to CNN, prior to last summer’s bombing of Iran’s nuclear sites, U.S. intelligence reports assessed that Iran was “not actively pursuing a nuclear weapon” and was “up to three years away from being able to produce and deliver one to a target of its choosing.” But Trump now claims that if hadn’t done the bombing, “within two weeks, they would have had a nuclear weapon” and “they would have used it long before” now.
WAR CAN BE a confusing time for anyone. It’s even more confusing when you don’t know the language. When Trump says that he’s leading us on an excursion, that he’s obliterated the enemy’s weapons, that the excursion is complete, and that it will end with a surrender, it’s natural to think these terms mean what they used to mean. They don’t. They mean whatever he wants them to mean.




When he said excursion, he meant incursion. He’s the commander in Chef of malapropisms.
Kimmel coined a new word on a segment tonite:
"Adventures in Presidementia"
I think "Presidementia" could also have been the headline of your marvelous essay, Mr. Saletan.