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Jennifer A's avatar

I have so many thoughts that swirl about this. And for me, I like to disambiguate between elite individual sports and elite team sports. My brother was an elite team sportsman (baseball)- a pitcher; he blew out his elbow freshman year in college and frankly never recovered. He lost a major part of his self-identity, a major part of his social life and a serious organizational structure for his college experience. He wound up dropping out of college after 4 aimless years. And then the slide really began. There are MANY other factors to us losing him at 40 to opioids and alcohol but this was certainly part of it. I worry for children that have spent their lives chasing elite athletic endeavors when the train invariably STOPS sometime in young adulthood (there is no next level, school is over, a major injury). At least with something like running or tennis or martial arts or golf, one can imagine a lifetime of enjoyment even when elite success ends. It also allows for continued lifelong care for one's physical body. I know too many ex football, baseball and soccer players who let their bodies go bigtime when the structure of the team sport was gone.

TL;DR: I have two sons- currently 4. I want them to be amazing physical stewards of their bodies their whole lives, I want them to enjoy pushing themselves physically, and I do want them to be a part of a team. But I am so scared to ever get on the elite train with them. Frankly, I kinda hope they are mediocre athletes- will make life so much easier!

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Moran, Patricia's avatar

Hi all,

I have very strong views on this subject. Some years ago my youngest son was early on--age four!--identified by Little League coaches as an upcoming 'star' (at four???) He was attending his older brother's games with his father, a former Little League star who was undergoing a prolonged mid life crisis in his 50s. Long story short, father encouraged younger son to focus on Little League and become a pitcher (one of the potentially most debilitating positions). Son was indeed an upcoming star throughout his childhood, with his father signing him up for individual tutoring sessions with a former MLB pitcher, with expensive summer camps at a public CA university (where the locker room facilities for the undergraduate baseball players were better than any bathroom facilities at a public university I have ever seen, and I taught at HE institutions in three countries for 42 years). Etc etc. Father became obsessed, son less so. In the meantime, son broke left arm THREE times, once because his father urged him to play the DAY after the cast from break no. two came off.

I could go on and on. Much of this obsession is coming from adults, not the kids themselves, and has only intensified in the 15 years since I witnessed it first hand in the late 90s/early 2000s. In the US elite athletics has also become one of the tick boxes on college admissions and encourages parents of great child athletes to hope that their kids can get university admission/financial aid help through their skills. I understand. But I also saw a lot of vicarious 'living through my kid' in the Little League parents.

What we need to focus on is teaching our kids healthy ways of moving that will stay with them through life. My own thinking is that there are only a handful of physical activities that can transition into adulthood and form part of daily routines (e.g. running, tennis, horseback riding, swimming, martial arts). That is not to cut out seasonal sports, or sports connected to where one grows up (skiing, surfing, skating). Please don't everyone jump on me! If I've left something out it's because the list is exhaustive.

My point is that organized sports is really not 'play' and is not developmentally productive in the way that 'play' is. A great book on the subject is Just Let the Kids Play, which goes into this subject in much greater depth and analysis than I can summarize here. But just a heartfelt plea: show your kids how to make physical activity part of their daily life. What I saw in LL was a bunch of (mostly) middle-aged men who had played LL baseball as kids and then done f-all for 20-30 years until they could yell at a bunch of little kids.

As for younger son, when baseball came up as a possible custody defense from father, son said (age 13) he knew perfectly well that he wasn't tall enough to make it 'big time' (he was being recruited for HS ball at private schools at that point) and he would be perfectly happy playing other sports here in Ireland. Which he did.

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